Reframing Receiving: Open to the Adventure of Becoming
Three things were swimming around in the space when Consciousness and I had this pow wow.
1) The ever returning ‘abundance/scarcity’ teeter was tottering toward the scarcity end due to a new bike purchase, taxes, and an unexpected hit to my income all happening at once.
2) Did a massive de-clutter project in the last year, but had some plane-lands (things to be put away, given away, thrown away) that I wasn’t dealing with, despite a clear and specific plan for them.
3) I have tons of new insights and aha’s streaming in that are jumping up and down to be shared, but I’d been avoiding writing and publishing blog posts.
As always, no matter where I start, the conversation takes an unexpected turn.
“I’m not writing right now. Feels like fear’s driving.
What do I need to see to get out of my own way and get this wisdom moving into the bigger space?
A lot is coming in, and not writing feels a bit like hoarding.
Oh, I see it. Scarcity consciousness…
Not writing blog posts and sending them out in the world—is that what’s creating the reflection of scarcity that seems to be floating around in my world right now?”
Yes
(Digesting...)
“And is the unfinished decluttering, the big pause on wrapping this project up…ohhhh…Martha’s talk this week on Fear of Finishing—is that why I’m not landing the unlanded planes? The finish line is a scary launchpad into something more expansive?”
Yes
“Okay, but why on earth would I be afraid of finishing decluttering, of freeing myself of unneeded weight?”
Great question.
“I think it’s about wanting to keep something at bay.
(My amazing writing coach) Kelly sent me away with a question yesterday.
“Do I fully receive the love that’s available to me?”
I guess the remaining clutter shows that I’m still blocking to a degree. I want something between me and it.
But really? Do I STILL not trust it?”
You do. But you want to hold on to the part of you that doesn’t.
“Why? What’s going on for her?”
Too much, too much, too much…too much love. I don’t want that much love. It will hurt. If I open to all the love, it will hurt.
That’s what it feels like. If I open to EVERYTHING, it will include sorrow, grief, heartache, helplessness, loss. (Whew.)
And there’s something else. Something about the good being too much.
I want to keep all of it at arm’s length.
That’s what the remaining clutter is. That’s what the not writing is.
I want to keep goodness, love, mattering, and caring—ALL at arm’s length. I want to control the perimeter of what I allow in and out. I want to control what I feel, how much and how deeply. It’s better that way. More comfortable. Safer, warmer, drier.”
Feeling is the access point to creativity and aliveness—and it’s not always warm and dry. It’s complex. But always safe.
Love is not a warm blanket. It’s generating your light and warmth from the inside out—by sourcing the love that’s available to you.
Receiving isn't taking what’s been given, or getting what you want. It's aligning and partnering with what’s here.
Receiving all the love that’s available means merging with it. Becoming it. Creating from it.
The things you want to keep at arm’s length are who you are. It’s you you’re not receiving.
*Conversations With Consciousness: What exactly are they?
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